1 A drunken pirate guy had a hook hand and only one eye.
I asked him how it happened. He said well a shark got my hand, and I had this hook put in.
Next day a seagull pooped in my eye.
I said, "So that is how you lost your eye?"
He said, "No, but it was my first day with the hook." .................
2 A drunk at a bar looks up to see a very snobby lady with a French poodle.
The drunk says, "Where did you get that pig?."
The lady with a look of surprise snaps back, "I'll have you know that it’s a French Poodle."
The drunk looks at her and says, "I was talking to the French Poodle."