My brother in-law went to visit his uncle in the country. Just as, he pulled up in front of the farmhouse, his car died.
He got out and opened the hood to see what was wrong. All of a sudden he hears a voice “It’s the carburetor” Looking up there was only an old horse.
He thought his ears had fooled him. He bent down under the hood again, and he heard “ I’m telling you it’s got to be the carburetor”. This time he looked all around and there was only the horse staring at him.
He ran in the house shouting “Oh my God the horse is talking to me. He said It was the carburetor!!!”
His uncle looked at him over the top of his old reading glasses and said “Don’t listen to him, he doesn’t know a thing about cars“.
I asked my wife what we were having for supper. She said, “roast beef or pea soup” - - I said “Well what’s the difference? She said you can roast beef, but you can’t pee soup..................
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Boston and tell her," and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone, "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this."
She calls her father immediately and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, it worked!" he says, "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own airfares!" ...................